From the Firth of Fourth to the Atlantic: An Unfinished Under-Current

What do you do when you leave someone behind, and come back only to find him waiting?  Do you turn around and run again? 

I design landscapes, but I can't say I'm a landscape architect.  It's not for the core purpose of creating beautiful spaces, not for the sublime; I can't say I design because I feel obligated to my environment-  like I hold the power of God in my hands to change the world or it's realities.  My ego cannot span so far.  I will care to my capacity; but it will move forward without me, and I will sink into the ocean.  How does a speck of dirt tell God what to do? 

Whatever role I play in the design of landscapes, visualizing them is not satisfying enough; and to those who understand I am grateful.  It's like being led by cables into a scenario- so full of promise, not wanting to leave.  The micro and macro are all the same, it's easy to get lost, and it removes your wind so you have to chase it.  It's unfinished, and it will continue to grow without agency.  Therefore I will move with the larger forces of this world to find freedom. I can't feel this way practicing architecture.  How can a river flow when it's surrounded by walls?  What happens in the scenario of a river in an unchanged state?  Is it no longer a river?  Is it transformed, and to what chapter or purpose can it be appropriated?

I did leave you behind, and I loved you then.  I was hoping you'd be waiting, but how can a fish live with a bird?  What does a river call itself when it's encased?  I'm not running, I'm just caught in a current.


Love,
Lesley Ann